I died and came back with good news and bad news. I remember everything that happened like it was yesterday.

The good news is that there is a heaven and there is no death. The bad news is that heaven is a shithole. The buildings need paint. The lawns are unmowed. The parks are overgrown and littered with dog poop, cigarette butts and empty forties in paper sacks. Here and there is a resident in underwear and bathrobe and slippers. It turns out God is not a good landlord there either.

A man at a booth at the exit from the bright white tunnel gave me a choice, stay or go back and I said hold on a second until I had a look around.

I woke up screaming on the  operating table with doctors and nurses leaning over me under a bright glaring light and an excruciating pain in my chest and the new knowledge that this was it. It wasn't getting any better.